Do you feel the world is broken? (We do) I try my best to journal every day. Sometimes I describe my day, what I did and who I did it with, a log of my life you might say, and sometimes I just write how I'm feeling because my emotions feel so heavy that if I don't get them on paper, then the jumbled mess inside my brain will swallow me whole. So, I just wanted to write a quick little note about some recurring emotions I've been feeling and what I've learned as a result.
1. God can see a lot farther ahead than me, and His way is better than mine. Many of you know that when my study-abroad was cancelled last April, the disappointment crippled me for months. I was angry, I was bitter, I was crushed with discouragement. My heart was tangled in anxiety, and my mind was occupied with doubt that anything could be better for me than France. But you know what? What came from that disappointment was something that I didn't even realize was possible. For the first time since high school, I found friends who knew me so well and loved me through all of my hurt. They listened while I cried, they sent me encouragement, and what meant the most to me of all, was they were vulnerable with me too. These were friendships out of obligation or curtesy. It wasn't pity lunches or superficial conversations. If I had gone to France, I would've missed out on the opportunity to be known, truly known, and loved despite all of the conflict my head and heart were experiencing. 2. It doesn't matter how perfect something seems, it's not, but that's okay. I have had to learn this lesson over and over again just within the past 3 months. I tend to make decisions based on ration and reason. My emotions are heavy but at the end of the day, I trust what's on paper more than my gut. I don't know if this note needs a story attached, I'd be willing to bet you're thinking of a moment in your own life that you realized this. What I think is important to note is when you find yourself in a situation where what you got isn't what you signed up for, don't bail. As my mom always says, people suck, but she always follows with "but so do we." So be willing to give grace, and be willing to stick it out. You'll never grow if you're never willing to be uncomfortable. Give yourself grace, you're doing great. Don't be afraid to feel your feels and don't live your life afraid to let your guard down. It's okay to be disappointed, but don't your fear blind you from all the goodness that can come from a change of plans. Don't miss out on life because it wasn't what you expected, nothing is perfect, but God can see a lot farther ahead than you can. You're doing great.
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"Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, but most of all worthy of love."
alison malee L i b b y G r a c eAs you read what I've written in journal I want it to feel like we're talking over coffee. I encourage you to send me a note, so we can continue the conversation.
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