It's the fight or flight response, except in this situation the flight is what He is looking for. It is not fleeing from your pain, but chasing toward your Healer. Each day was another day that he didn't text, another day that they didn't return my call, another day I went home with no plans. Everyday I found another reason to feel sorry for myself, to feel unwanted. I was lonely and bored and self-centered. Why was I acting like this? Why was I trying to deprive myself of joy? I was literally looking for reasons to plummet myself into a spiral of self pity. Why? because it was easy.
It's easy to feel sorry for yourself and to blame the world for your own insecurity. It's easy to find reasons to be mad at a guy who is really sweet. It's easy to assume someone has a vendetta against you when they're just busy. It's easy to blame life for being afraid that you are going to make the wrong decision and throw your life into chaos. It's not easy to take a hard look at yourself and acknowledge that you yourself have some cracks and leaks, that is causing your self depreciation. God presents us with adverse situations, to test our faith. It's the fight or flight response, except in this situation the flight is what he is looking for. Not fleeing from your pain, but chasing toward your healer. It's acknowledging that you can't face this alone, and choosing to allow God to fight for you. When we choose to fight on our own, we lose. Even if we think we won that battle because all hell didn't break loose, we ultimately lost the war, because God will find another way to get our attention. Sometimes it takes our house burning down for us to realize that termites had been slowly destroying it from the inside for years. So stop blaming the world, and ask yourself why you were hurt by their rejection or silence in the first place. Maybe you have some termites yourself, and that's okay. It just takes a sacrificing of pride and a surrender of self to be made new. You aren't damaged and you aren't insignificant. Psalm 145:18 says, "the Lord is near to all who call out to Him," so make the call and have your joy restored.
1 Comment
Cindy Stewart
4/1/2017 02:41:21 pm
Yes and amen! Keep running toward him!
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"Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, but most of all worthy of love."
alison malee L i b b y G r a c eAs you read what I've written in journal I want it to feel like we're talking over coffee. I encourage you to send me a note, so we can continue the conversation.
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